Avengers 2: Age of the Crappiest Sequels Ever
by The Rightful King of Asgard
Summary: Join a mentally-ill Captain America, an overly-nice Iron Man, a rock star wanna be Thor and all the rest of your favorite characters on the adventure of a life time as they try to reclaim a very important stolen drum kit from Red Skull before he can use it to take over the world! (No, I'm not retarded)
1. Avengers 2: Age of Crappy Sequels

Captain America, man out of time. He seemed normal enough when he was unfrozen after 70 years and saved the world from the army of aliens, emerging from a portal in the sky created by a glowing cube that allowed a Norse god to come from another universe and... well, actually, that's not that normal. But at least Captain America seemed to adapt to the new time well enough... on the outside. On the inside... not so much. Half the time, unfortunately, our favorite American hero, the super soldier, was caught up in a mental illness. He was always trying to recreate his past. His condition got worse and worse as time went on. Finally, he invented an imaginary friend named after a fellow soldier, Jim. By this time, SHIELD was beginning to think him a threat to society and brought him back to their base.

Meanwhile, Iron Man had gone from self-absorbed, sarcastic millionaire to... well, the nicest guy on earth. All because of his sacrifice play in the Avengers. Always giving money to orphans and helping out at the retirement home on Tuesdays and Thursdays. This could be considered a good thing... except that he became over-obsessed. He even stopped inventing weapons because he didn't want to hurt anyone. He went to SHIELD base to find the deranged Captain America, who introduced him to Jim, but sadly explained that he could never imagine Peggy back. Unsure of whether it's the right choice, Iron Man decided to take a chance and mentions that there was an old lady named Peggy that he met during his volunteer work in the retirement home!

Then there was Thor, who returned to earth, was hoping to find his place in the world... but looking in the wrong places. The genus book of world records. Thor found that our earth was extremely puny and decided to easily break every record in the book. But he discovered that it was much harder than he thought. Hopeless at setting a world record, Thor came to the conclusion that he needed a cheesy garage rock band in order to fit in. Only problem: he didn't have a band.

Captain America and Iron Man went to the retirement home to visit Peggy. Peggy was now in a wheelchair, hard of hearing, and 90 years old. She had never married, for her heart had always been devoted to Captain America. Everything flooded back to Captain America and they were, once again, in love. (Nasty.) He introduced her to Jim. Because she couldn't see that well, she didn't notice that Jim wasn't actually there, and accidentally encouraged him to get lost in his imaginary friends. He went to visit her every day, and tried every time to convince her to come out of the retirement home. But every time, she declined. She felt that she was too old... and the minor fact that she might not have heard him correctly. This continued, until SHIELD was beginning to concern about Captain America again. Captain America brought Thor to see Peggy. He wanted to show the others that he wasn't the only one that could see Jim. But Peggy's caregiver was also there. Maybe it was a bad idea for Thor to go back to earth and leave Loki unattended on Asgard with the Tesseract...

Oh well. Peggy had been teaching Loki how to play the drums, so Thor made peace and invited Loki to be part of his rock band. They entitled it "Sons of Odin". Thor was the lead singer and guitar player with the long hair that he could whip around on stage. Unfortunately, he had no taste in music and didn't know the first thing about guitar. And Loki couldn't keep a beat even if it was his own heart beat. They thought it sounded great, until people started complaining about the "noise". Then a strange, homeless man walked up to Thor on the street and said while rubbing his hands together and said in a creepy voice, "I can play the drums..." So he stepped into drums and Loki moved to rock organ, which just made everything worse. But the strange man did teach them a few pointers, and now they were sure they were great. So they invited Peggy and Captain America to their first concert. Peggy couldn't hear well, but she could hear that music. She pretended to like it anyway. But then! (Of course), the strange drummer ripped off his face and revealed to be Red Skull! He stole the drums, which turned out to be very important to National Security, and took off!

The Avengers knew it was time to assemble again. This called for the Hulk... unfortunately, the Hulk had been living destitute in a cardboard box in a back alley. It turns out that vita/gammaray scientists aren't hired very often... especially ones with anger issues. He tried to make the best of his situation, until one day when someone stole his cardboard box. Then he blew up into a monster, and taught that someone a lesson. A circus scout was lurking nearby. He needed the Hulk to be in his circus. After a long interesting turn of events, he managed to trap the Hulk and take him back as a circus side show freak.

It turns out that people don't look so highly on other people that run around New York City waving guns and riding around on floating bicycles. Nor do they look highly upon people who stand on top of skyscrapers shooting arrows off in all directions. Black Widow and Hawkeye became outcasts and went to live underground. The Avengers weren't able to get to them, so they had to go on without. But they did free the Hulk from the circus freak show, and it was time to save the world!

Stark tracked Red Skull to a secret chamber underground. Then they flew off in a cheesy space ship. So far, we have the abnormally nice Iron Man, the mentally ill Captain America, the freak show escapee Hulk, the elderly Peggy, and Thor and Loki who were still trying to become rock stars. They all went underground, but then something terrible happened, Captain America completely lost it. He thought that Jim had run off down the hall, so he went to chase after him. Peggy followed close behind, but they were both caught by Red Skull! The others ran through the underground, and found a poisoned Hawkeye. Hawkeye's dying wish was for the Avengers to get the drum kit back. He told them everything he knew... then they took him back to the ship and attached him to a bunch of wires to keep him alive.

Anyway, the Red Skull left Peggy tied up in her own wheelchair, then set a time bomb, and blasted out of the underworld in his ship. And Captain America was taken as a hostage inside! Meanwhile, the Avengers found the drum kit. They took it aboard their ship and blasted off after Red Skull. The Avengers began to wonder why he had left the drum kit with them. But it was no matter. They had it, and now they only had to save Captain America. But the Hulk grew into a monster, became too heavy for the space ship and they crashed to the ground. All hope seemed lost, when suddenly, Peggy sped up on her high speed wheelchair. They used the rope she was bound with, and a large piece of the broken ship to make a sled on the back of Peggy's wheelchair. Then they all piled on and sped after Red Skull. Red Skull couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the Avengers with the drum set, piled onto a wheelchair powered sled, chasing after his space ship. The wheelchair picked up into the air and landed right on top of Red Skull's ship. Red Skull parachuted out. Captain America was inside. They crashed through a window. The ship was going down, but Captain America was zoned into his own little world. All he knew was that he had to save Jim, and Jim was "falling off the ship"! Captain America leaned dangerously out of the ship to save his imaginary friend, Jim. Iron Man got at the controls and tried to stop the ship before it crashed, but there was a 400 pound bird flying in the way! The abnormally nice Iron Man was too nice to destroy the animal. Banner yelled at Stark, "It's our lives or the bird's! What are you going to choose?!" Iron Man took a deep breath, looking at the innocent bird one more time... and then pushed the laser blast button. Outside, Peggy yelled at Captain America, "Steve! Let Jim go!" Sadly, with the most horrible look of pain in his eyes... Captain America let Jim go. Then he quickly recovered, jumped up and said cheesily, "Let's do this!" Thor popped in a recording of the newest "Sons of Odin" song, as the ship flew through the air to the terrible music. Iron Man found that the ship's problem was that it didn't have enough power. He hooked up the electronic drum kit to it and they swooped up to safety just before they could hit the ground. They missed the ground, but hit a nearby hair salon. Peggy was badly hurt. Captain America knelt beside her. "Peggy! I lost Jim! I can't lose you too!" The music quieted down, as Peggy gave a weak smile. Loki ended up crying more than Captain America, but whatever. Then suddenly, Iron Man noticed something. The reason Red Skull left the drum kit with them... was because the drum kit _was_ the time bomb! BOOM! The hair salon was a mess by now. But the explosion knocked Peggy back to consciousness. Everything was happy. Then Thor picked up the remains of the ship. No one had ever lifted something so heavy before. He had made a world record! But then Hulk came along and picked up both Thor and the ship with ease, rebreaking the record. But it all ended good. The world was safe, the drums destroyed, Captain America had finally gotten back to normal, Peggy was alive and never let her age get in the way again, Thor had a record broken (for 5 seconds), Iron Man saved the day so he went back to his normal self-absorbed attitude, the Hulk was out of the circus freak show, Hawkeye got over the poisoning, and the new "Sons of Odin" album was released to the public, entitled, "The Avengers." (Nick Fury ended up suing them for the title, but that's not important.) Everything was happy... until the Avengers realized that they hadn't truly defeated Red Skull. But by that time, it was too late to save the world. The end.


	2. Avengers 3: Now It's Just Pointless

The Avengers 3 – Now it just gets completely pointless

Nick Fury sat in his office, thinking of ways to improve the Avengers team. Red Skull had taken over the earth for evil and they had to get it back. But they needed something more than just the Avengers... Suddenly he sprung from his chair with an inspiration. Snapping his fingers, he said, "Bugs!" (Avengers theme plays)

Back at Captain America's house, he and Peggy were also thinking. Captain America had proposed to her, but they eventually came to the conclusion that it was too awkward, so she told him she wanted to be his "grandmotherly figure". He agreed and he took her out of the retirement home to look after her in her old age. They reminisced about the good old days over and over, but every time they mentioned something, silence followed and they knew that they both had the same thought: somehow they just had to get back to World War 2.

Meanwhile, Hawkeye had suffered from a severe post traumatic stress disorder and was rendered insane, only being able to mumble pointless jargon and stare horrified at the wall. Black Widow was still lost underground. The sadness of losing her, the trauma of being kidnapped, poisoned, then shoved back with the Avengers to save the world was too much. The Avengers didn't want their dear friend Hawkeye to be left in an insane asylum, so they each took turns "babysitting" him, for Hawkeye had to be watched at all times. Iron Man woke up one day, just as normal as always, when suddenly, "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Pepper ran in to see what was the problem. He pointed to the mirror, "Pepper! I'm turning... old!" "Tony, you're fine. You look just the same as yesterday." But he didn't agree. He looked in the mirror today and saw wrinkles and shriveled wobbly bones. Everytime he looked in the mirror, he screamed again and again. He wasn't really getting older, but his mind seemed to think so. He decided the only solution would be to look into something to make him younger. He searched the internet for any product that could possibly help. Finally, he ran across a study by a Dr. Yosef Mosiday Flanagan that a constant increase (for an entire week) of his smoothie containing certain minerals would warp you back a good 30+ years. Tony was in the process of ordering a mass amount of the smoothie when Captain America dropped by. He asked about the smoothie and upon learning what it did, he immediately called Peggy. He could make her young again!

When the smoothie arrived, Tony gave half of it to Captain America for Peggy. They wired up a tube to her mouth from a large smoothie bag and pressed the begin button. Peggy was feeling better than ever the first minute of drinking the smoothie, after that she get full. The smoothie kept running. It poured down her throat, it spilled from the sides of her mouth and it kept on chugging more and more to a horrific rhythm. "Shut it down!" Captain America yelled, when he saw Peggy on the verge of passing out. Iron Man slammed the emergency brake on. The smoothie was not only a scam, but it was also making Peggy even worse. It seemed that nothing would work. They were stuck in different times...

Across town, Thor and Loki were enjoying being "midgardians". They donned new clothes, Thor taking up a Michael Jackson style fedora, sunglasses and a suit. Loki took up a "swag" look with a sideways flat billed cap and low riding pants. Then Thor met a "friend", Bubba the bartender, who introduced him to the gun. Of course, next thing you know, Thor was drunk and driving, speeding down the street with Loki firing a tommy gun into the air from the backseat. Until Thor hit a streetlight. Loki was whiplashed by the jerk of the car, then the cops came, found Thor drunk and both were arrested.

Captain America stayed with Peggy, but her condition only worsened. She'd been poisoned by Dr. Flanagan's evil smoothie! She was slowly deteriorating before his eyes. And to make matters worse, Iron Man was in charge of "babysitting" Hawkeye that day, and he'd escaped his sight. Turned out that he was back in the workroom, drinking the remains of the poisonous smoothie! By this time, Hawkeye was mentally and physically deranged. The Avengers decided they all had to assemble and sort things out. So they loaded the insane and now paralyzed Hawkeye into their ship and flew to the meeting place. They couldn't continue in this awful state and they couldn't keep being ruled by Red Skull, so they set off to take back the world! First stop: bust Thor out of jail. There was an interesting turn of events there. Captain America and Iron Man, two superheroes, broke into a prison and demanded their friend be released. The answer was no. Iron Man blasted a laser into the middle of the guards, then Captain America did some kinda ballerina choreography in his star spangled tights, kicking the main guard in the face. "Where's Thor?!" He asked them and they answered. On the way to spring Thor, 10 more guards jumped out at them. Then, to their surprise, the Hulk smashed through the wall, knocked out all the guards, then roared and all the doors opened. This wasn't the best thing, because now the superheroes had just released a bunch of crazy prisoners into the public. Oh well, at least they found Thor. He was the one exclaiming loudly at the end of the hall in some jargon that sounded like Shakespeare. Captain America grabbed his hand and tried to pull him to the exit. Thor wouldn't hear of it. "And what of dearest brother?" "...Thor... I wouldn't exactly call him 'dearest' brother..." "But I simply will not leave him to rot paralyzed in that cell!" "Fine! Just hurry up!" Thor came back dragging Loki behind him. "Uh... Thor? I think it might be a little too late." "What doth thou talk about? I have saved brother! On with the mission!"

They went back to the meeting place. Hawkeye was running around, blubbering gibberish; Thor was still dragging around Loki's dead body; and Peggy was doing worse than ever, lying in her wheelchair, dying and causing Captain America to hallucinate about "Jim" again. "This couldn't be going any worse." Iron Man remarked, still upset about his delusions of growing old. But he was wrong. Things could go worse. Much worse... In the time since the last mission, Banner was still trying to control his hulking out. And this time, he had found a cure he thought would help. It didn't, as everyone could see when he arrived at the meeting place. We won't describe how he looked, but it was enough to make the others say, "Holy... Banner is that YOU?! No kid would want to read a comic book about THAT." This was very hurtful, but Banner managed to reign in his anger and went off to have a self pity party in the corner of the building. Then Nick Fury came in to see how his team was going. He wasn't pleased with what he saw. "I've decided we need something to get this team back in shape. Ant Man, Wasp, come out here." "Bugs? Are you kidding me? BUGS?" Iron Man asked. "These bugs have special super powers. Super powers that haven't gone WRONG. So you add them to your team, work together and save the world, alright?" But this wasn't alright with the Avengers. They stayed on one side of the building, glaring over at the bugs on the other side. And that's how the Avengers finally got along... by excluding the two new recruits. The Avengers all got in their ship. Ant Man and Wasp still hadn't said anything. They just sat there with their expressionless bug eyes and looked around at the others. The original Avengers stuck to the other side of the ship. While they were flying around, they saw one of Red Skull's ships fly past. "After that ship!" Captain America called and they sped after it. They followed it all the way to a hidden fortress in the mountains. "Red Skull's castle of evil." The doors were closing. The Avengers flew their ship in almost just in time. The back end of it got crunched. But fortunately it was the side that Ant Man and Wasp were on. They got out and looked around. There were three doors. Iron Man gave the orders. "Captain America, you and Peggy go through the first door. Me and Banner will go through the second door. And Thor, it's your turn to watch Hawkeye." "That does not comply. I am already taking care of brother." "Thor! He's dead! Stop dragging his decomposing body around like a little girl with a rag doll and help with the mission!" Thor was deeply offended, but the others were already leaving, so he took Hawkeye and went through the third door. Back in the first door, Captain America and Peggy had found a storage closet... with the pieces to build a massive missile launcher inside. "Quick Peggy! Let's put this thing together!" But Peggy was weak. "Cap, how about I read the instructions and you put it together?" She suggested. "Well, ok. Are you feeling alright, Peggy?" She nodded. "I'll be fine. Let's put the missile together." Meanwhile, in the second door, Iron Man and the Hulk had found a control room. They walked inside, only to be surrounded by Red Skull's army moments later. "This isn't good." Red Skull spun around from his chair in the main control booth. "Welcome Iron Man and... whatever that thing is." Then like every villain ever, he unfolded his master plan to them for no reason. "I've found SHIELD's base. And I plan to blow it up with my missile launcher. Your Avengers team will be hopeless! Take them to the dungeon!" He commanded his men. Back in door three, Thor and Hawkeye had already found the dungeon. And in the last cell, Black Widow was lying unconscious. Hawkeye was wandering around, pretending to stub his toe, and eating dirt... until he saw her. Immediately, something snapped and he became back to normal. "Natasha! Thor, it's Natasha!" Black Widow awoke and saw Hawkeye. "Clint! It's you!" But in the cell across from them, they saw Iron Man and the Hulk being escorted in, then the door locked behind them. "What do we do?" Hawkeye asked. "I can handle the guards." Black Widow said, taking her trademark Black Widow stance. Thor disagreed. "No! We must see what brother has to say!" ...

Hawkeye finally broke the silence. "Natasha, you and I will fight off the guards, while Thor rescues the others." So they did. Black Widow and Hawkeye sprung into action, kicking the guards down and throwing the keys to Thor. Thor wanted to give a grand speech before opening the door, but the others gave him such a cold glare he changed his mind. Iron Man burst out of the door, blasting his lasers at the guards. "Let's go!" He said. "Not so fast!" Red Skull stopped them at the door. "You've walked right into my trap!" "No, you've walked right into ours!" Captain America interrupted, walking in with the missile aimed at Red Skull. Red Skull grabbed Captain America by the neck and threw him across the room. "Surprise! I have arms that stretch 20 feet!" "...Seriously? Why haven't you ever used that before?" Captain America asked. "The missile is mine! And SHIELD is to be destroyed. But Peggy was still behind the missile. "Fire the missile Peggy! It'll blow us up, but the world will be saved! We can make that sacrifice, right guys?" The other Avengers stared at him for a moment before shaking their heads. "Nah, I have kids and a wife. Blow up the world instead." Red Skull used his super arms again, trying to knock Peggy away from the missile. "Hold on!" Iron Man flung Loki's corpse at Red Skull, knocking him off balance. "MAN OF IRON!" Thor exclaimed angrily. "Fire now, Peggy!" Captain America demanded. But Thor had clubbed Iron Man with his hammer, and he flew into the missile, breaking it. Red Skull was furious. He ran to try and get away. But then, barely conscious Iron Man crawled out of the rubble, holding a water balloon filled with the remains of the poisonous smoothie. With the epic last words, "basweraj anjaja". (For he had suffered a massive concussion from the force field) he threw the smoothie at Red Skull. "NOOOOO!" Red Skull exclaimed, as the smoothie killed him. Then the missile blew up and all the Avengers died. The end.


	3. Avengers 4: Rise of the Bugs

Avengers 4: Rise of the Stupid Bugs

The Avengers were all dead. Hope was lost. At least they'd defeated Red Skull. After the explosion, nothing was the same. Sadness spread out over the land... but then... You know how roaches manage to stay alive after bombings? Well, it was like that. The stupid bugs that Fury had recruited had managed to stay alive and searched through the rubble until they found the other Avengers. Using the ancient voodoo method of noongeevsacrapp, they brought the Avengers back to life. There were some difficulties in the process. Iron Man awoke first. "What? Did we win?" Captain America awoke next. "What happened?" "Are those? Bugs?" "Wh- OH MY GOD! STARK! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM?!" Difficulties like that. Iron Man did lose a limb or two in the explosion, yes. And Hawkeye was totally beyond repair now. But everyone was back to life... And then there was good news and bad news. The good news was that Loki was brought back so that Thor wouldn't have to drag his dead body around anymore. The bad news was that he was already mostly decomposed and now qualified as a zombie. The Avengers all escaped Zombie Loki except Hawkeye. But it's not like anyone cared about him anyway. Then the Hulk sealed off the escape route with a boulder and they thought, "Good enough." And so the Avengers were reborn! (Shot of all the Avengers standing epically atop a snowy mountain with the rubble from the explosion behind them.)

When they turned back around from their epic pose, they realized that the bugs were staring blankly at them. The Avengers stared at the bugs. The bugs stared at them. Everything was silent. Should they accept the bugs? They did save their lives after all... but on the downside, Ant Man and Wasp were pretty annoying. And they kinda just sat there and never said anything. Why? Because they were bugs. And bugs don't really have much to say. They just kinda... fly... "Well, welcome to the family!" Captain America finally broke the silence. Iron Man cuffed the one hand he still had left over Captain America's mouth. "Are you crazy?! We don't want them on the team! They're..." He looked over at the bugs who still never reacted to anything. "...Different." "But they saved our lives! The least we can do is be nice to them." Iron Man stood deep in thought... Next thing they knew, they were on the most awkward flight back to New York City there ever was. The Avengers didn't know what to say with the bugs being there. And the bugs didn't say anything at all. Except for one time when Wasp whispered something that sounded like clicks to Ant Man and Ant Man chuckled. Other than that it was completely silent (except for elevator music). "I don't like this." Iron Man whispered to Captain America. "The bugs are just snickering at us and speaking in their bug language. I feel excluded from my own team!" "Maybe they feel the same, Stark. We're not being very including to them either. And... and I feel bad about it." "Oh no! Mr. Goody Two Shoe's conscience is nagging at him again! They're bugs. Who cares?" But Captain America did feel bad... Suddenly, the plane was attacked! The bugs were tossed from the plane. "Oh well." Iron Man shrugged. "This is serious! The plane's going to crash!" "But we defeated Red Skull... so who could this be..." Then the new enemy revealed himself. The Mandarin flew up in a ship that seemed to be modeled after a taco shell. "What is best is not unfortunate, but it serves oneself well to be." He said. …... "...What does that even mean?" "Nothing. It just sounds cool so I said it." "Oh." "I have a proposition to make. Will you hear it?" "Dude, you're not even a real villain. Like you said, you're just an actor." "Ah, but truth tells not what judgment may see." "What?" "The point is that I need your help. I'm starting a line of microwave dinners and I was hoping you'd help me advertise it. Be on the boxes like 'Avengers approved'." "And what if we don't?" "Then you'll never get back... THE KEY OF POWER!" The Avengers gasped! The Key of Power sounded important! Likely it was as important as the Tesseract or Infinity Gauntlet or something. They had to get the Key of Power! But they didn't want to star in the Mandarin's evil frozen dinner commercials. "We'll never advertise your food!" "Very well. You haven't seen the last of me." The Mandarin laughed as he flew away. That's when they suddenly remembered that the plane was crashing. Oh well. When they finally got back to Iron Man's tower, the Avengers all went to have a meeting without the bugs. Their first plan of action was to get Iron Man a new arm. Then to learn more about this "Key of Power", and take down the Mandarin!

The arm was first on the list, like I said. And it was quite an interesting turn of events. Iron Man simply wouldn't put up with a fake arm, when he could get a real one. So after searching the streets of New York, he found the perfect arm. He pointed it out to the Avengers. "That arm? Tony, that arm is a lot bigger than your other arm. Also it's a lady's arm and it's way tanner than yours... plus it's kinda on another person." But Iron Man insisted that he have THAT arm. And the Avengers couldn't go on without their leader... He got the arm. No details, but he got it. Banner, being a "doctor" stitched it on sloppily. It looked really out of place, but Iron Man was pleased with his arm. And so the mission continued!

The next thing to do was learn about the Key of Power. They did some research (hacking into SHIELD's database) but they couldn't find anything. The Key of Power didn't seem to exist... unless... "IT WAS WIPED FROM THE DATABASE!" (Dun duhhh!) "Or he made it up." "No, it was wiped from the database!" With no information to go on, it would be hard, but they knew the Key had importance and they had to get it back... whatever the cost. So they traced the Mandarin back to his base... which was really just some cheesy apartment. To look cool, Hawkeye (who was supposed to be dead, but reappeared just because it fits with the plot) jumped up on a balcony, flipping to the next, catching it with his feet, then swung to the roof, making a cool pose. "Show off." The others muttered, taking the stairs. Hawkeye heard a thumping noise. He strung an arrow and prepared for the worst, creeping silently across the roof to where the thumping was coming from... meanwhile, the Avengers had finally gotten to the top of the stairs. And they were exhausted. Iron Man wasn't used to the extra dead weight of the new arm. (Like mentioned, it was a lot bigger than his other.) And the others had just come back from the dead so they weren't doing quite as well as they used to. Then they saw the door. The Mandarin was surely inside! The door was green wood, the paint chipping off with a creepy looking rusty ring used for knocking. A sound that resembled ghosts was coming from the door... slowly, they walked towards it. Back on the roof, Hawkeye slipped against some kinda air shaft or chimney or something. The thumping was on the other side. Then quick as a flash, he spun around, letting the arrow fly. Feathers flew everywhere. It was just a woodpecker. Or was it?! Hawkeye wondered, stepping closer to the bird... yes, it was. So that was pointless. Chuckling at how stupid he must have looked, he jumped off the building, throwing a grapple hook back up. It caught quickly, and he was jerked forward, slamming into the brick wall of the apartments. So much for that. The hook broke and he flopped down into a dumpster below. The others had just reached the door and stood in front of it as the horrible sounds of spookiness flooded their ears from within. Suddenly, when everything was overwhelmingly horrifying... Thor reached out and knocked on the door with the rusty ring. "THOR! You blew our cover!" Iron Man tried to keep his voice at a whisper. The door opened and the Mandarin came out, in normal clothes, circles around his eyes and a toothbrush in his hand. "Yah?" Quickly, Black Widow threw pizza man disguises on all of them. "I'm not even going to ask how long you've been able to do that." Iron Man muttered. "Special delivery! Pepperoni pizza!" "Wrong door." He said, closing it again. But Iron Man flopped his dead arm into the door and stopped it. "You get out here and eat this pizza right now, young man!" Silence stilled the room. "...You reminded me of my late mother when you said that..." A tear shone in the Mandarin's eye. Five minutes later, the Mandarin and the Avengers were eating pizza. The spooky noises from earlier had apparently just been coming from his TV, just in case you were wondering. Thor pretended he had to go to the bathroom. "Sure. On the left." "I have to go too." Captain America said. "There's only one." "That's okay." The Cap left the room. "Okay then." The others said, awkwardly. Meanwhile, Thor and Captain America had really just wanted to rummage through his apartment and find out anything they could. From what they could tell, he was just a normal guy. Nothing unusual. The Mandarin kept trying to stand up from the table, but the Avengers kept distracting him, trying not to let Cap and Thor get caught. Finally, the Mandarin managed to leave. "RUN GUYS!" The others yelled, just as the Mandarin saw the rest of his trashed apartment. The Avengers all ran, but the Mandarin cornered them. "There is no escaping the wrath of the Mandarin!" He yelled. Iron Man tried to get his suit, but it didn't fit over the arm. Captain America had left his shield at home. Thor reached for his hammer, but Mjolnir was going through a rebellious teen emo stage and decided he didn't feel like coming to him. They were defenseless! "At last, I have the Avengers! Mwahaha! You will now witness the true power of the key and the burning of the earth! HA HA HA HAAA!" He pulled out the key. "Hold on!" Iron Man said. "Isn't that the key to my basement?" "Yes, that's right! And what is IN your basement?" "No, you don't mean..." "That's right! I have obtained... DR. FLANAGAN'S EVIL SMOOTHIE!" "Noooo!" Screamed the others. "If that smoothie is released into the earth, many innocent people will drown in its poison!" "Exactly! And now..." "WAIT! Why are you doing this?!" The Mandarin suddenly broke down. "I had to. I had to! You wouldn't understand!" Captain knelt next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Hey. It's okay. It's Captain America and the Avengers. We're as understanding as it gets." "No one cares! After mum died, she passed her frozen food company down to me, telling me she only wished someone would advertise it. And I just... I just thought maybe my friends, the Avengers, would help me. But no! They don't understand! No one does! No one cares if mum's legacy of frozen food lives on! You just think I'm evil and nothing else. So that's what I became!" The others tried to hide their tears at the Mandarin's tragic story. "Hey. We were wrong. We should have realized that sooner. And we'd like to be in your commercial now." Captain America said, reassuringly. "Really?" "Of course! In fact, we'll GIVE you two of our members to be the mascots for your product! But one condition... don't destroy the earth."

So everyone was happy. The Mandarin's mum's legacy lived on, the frozen dinners becoming popular all over the world. And the Avengers had finally figured out a way to deal with the bug problem. (They were the two members given to the Mandarin.) Iron Man's arm eventually rotted, but he replaced it regularly, much to the dismay of the now-armless civilians. And also SHIELD might have taken Iron Man into custody for it. But everything worked out besides that. So if you ever see a microwave dinner at your store, the brand Mandarin, with two bugmen on the front, be sure to buy it and support the cause. Everyone will be happy. Even you. Except that the Mandarin was actually just using the meals to brainwash millions of people and he made up the whole story about his mum. The end.


End file.
